REPAIR

REPAIR moves beyond wishing an interaction had gone differently. It asks what you can acknowledge, clarify, change or restore after avoidable harm or misunderstanding.

Repair begins with responsibility for your own conduct. It does not require taking responsibility for another person’s behaviour, demanding forgiveness or insisting that a relationship continue.

• Naming your action without immediately defending it.
• Listening to its effect without assuming you know it.
• Clarifying a misunderstanding or offering practical restitution.
• Following an apology with a specific change.

You dismissed a colleague’s suggestion in front of the team. A repair might begin: “I interrupted and dismissed your suggestion before hearing it. That was unfair. If you are willing, I would like to hear it properly.” Where appropriate, correcting the record with the team may matter as much as a private apology.

Write down what you did, the effect you can reasonably acknowledge, and one action within your control. Ask what would help rather than deciding on someone else’s behalf. Respect a refusal to discuss the matter.

• What part is mine to acknowledge?
• What practical action could address the effect?
• What would show that my apology has substance?

Repair is not always possible or safe. Reconciliation is not a requirement, and joint exercises are inappropriate where they expose someone to coercion or further harm. RECONFIGURE considers what needs to change so the same difficulty is less likely to recur.